My Conspiracy Theory

Ahhh, relaxation…

Good creative people, I Love You with all my heart (I’ll never stray, it’s you and me forever baby), and I hope you know that, but WOW am I tired! I have to admit, the last few days have been exceptionally trying on this fresh little relationship of ours. But, like I said, I’m in this thing for the long haul, and I really believe that this experience has only served to bring us just that much closer together in the end.

Though you should know: Only for you have I worked (hard), only for you I have studied (also…hard), only for you have I bled (freely…my poor fingertips!), and only for you would I have done all this, just to hope to spark a bit of creativity, and maybe break your spat of writers block.

Today good creative people, i get to relax, and just spew fiction… and boy am I glad to get back to it. Eventually, when I’m done ranting, I’ll get to the part where I unify all the previous conspiracies that I’ve mentioned – numbers 1-10 alike – into a seamless beautiful web of conspiracy-silk… and point out the spider who made it all with one of those giant foam orange #1 hands from football stadiums. But for now, I’m just going to relax, and let my beleaguered mind do as it will, after all: it’s earned it.

❤   I love conspiracies   ❤

Could you tell? To me they’re like superheros of the real world: Their real identities are a mystery; you see their feats on the news, but never are prithee to witnessing the actual happenings (unless you’re involved – and that normally means you’re having a very bad day); they seemingly have superpowers in the ways that they achieve their amazing deeds without much strain, and in the end the damsel is always saved (wait a minute, no she’s not)… Moving on.

Like I was saying, I love conspiracies! They get you thinking, e.g. – Could that really be? But I thought this happened (*rush to research*). How could I have missed THAT bit of info? Their very nature forces you to question your foundations,  and reevaluate some of your longstanding assumptions on the world. Which in turn leads you to invent some of your own bits of fiction to fill the gaps in the story. As far as actual belief in the conspiracies themselves is concerned: that’s your call. Belief is not a prerequisite to their enjoyment, nor to their benefits.

But, like I was saying wayyyy up ↑-there-↑, today I would like to spin some fiction for you good people, hot off the presses, as a reward for taking this trip with me, and seeing it through to the end. We had some good times didn’t we? I know I did. Who knew that the Federal Reserve was never ratified by all 50 states? I sure didn’t. Had any of you ever heard of the Nazca lines, or the Palpa lines? I hadn’t. What about that little factoid about Egypt’s Kings having never been found in a Pyramid? It’s pretty sweet! Kind of makes you wonder why they teach you in school that King Burial was their sole purpose, when meanwhile they have only anecdotal evidence to back up their claims.

Also on a side note, but still related to mis-information given from your teachings… Did you know that your tongue does NOT have differing regions for taste, i.e. salty in the back, sweet up front, bitter on the sides, etc…? Seriously look it up! Every spot on your tongue has the same taste receptors. OH and they discovered a new flavor that your brain processes, “Umami“, which is the ummmmm… (*Homer Simpson drooling sound here*) response we all get when we eat protein, or fat. Speaking of which, I want pizza… Moving on.

HERE WE GO!

In the spirit of not burying the lead, I’m going to give away my theory in just one word (good luck extrapolating the rest of the puzzle from it alone, muhahaha! It’s good to be the King. What the curtains?… moving on) GOLD.

Yes that’s right GOLD good men and women of reason. Why GOLD you ask (Goooollllldddd… Quiet goldmember!), well i’m glad you’ve taken an interest. Let me splain it to you Lucy.

Gold is the resource of the future. It’s a noble metal, which means that it does not readily corrode while in the presence of humid air, it is a phenomenal conductor of electricity, highly mailable, nearly impossible to destroy, and will – without doubt – come into greater and greater demand as man continues on forward in his technological journey of existence.

But here’s the thing: Man is a young species. One would not have to strain his or her imagination too far to see our forthcoming colonization of neighboring planets, and eventually neighboring solar systems, and even galaxies. It is with this thought-process of where we’re going that I am basing my theory of where THEY already are.

By they, of course I mean ET (don’t look at me like that, if you’re reading this blog, than you’ve read it before, and you know that I’m completely off my rocker, but the idea of ET becomes a mathematical CERTAINTY once you get a grasp on how HUGE the universe actually is! Trust me, they’re out there… and besides, this is after all only a conspiracy theory… geez, get off my case already would ya? I kid, I kid, I ❤ my subs).

Now where was I? Oh yes, Aliens.

Taking into account the relative size of the universe, I’m positive that there is some form of intelligent life out there. In my experience (however under-qualified I may be notwithstanding), everything in life – with a varying degree of possibility – follows a bell curve. There will be species out there that are younger and far stupider than us – and there will be species out there that are older than us, and far more intelligent.

Given the vastness of space, and the relative hostility of about 90% of its real-estate… life is likely to be rare. So let’s engage in a thought experiment:

Let’s say that in 10,000 years from now, Man has begun its colonization of space. Space, as the name might imply, has a lot of space, between bodies in space. The distances are nearly unfathomably distant. When you hear “Light years away” that’s how many years it would take light (the proverbial speed-limit to all moving things), to get wherever you are looking. Light, for those who don’t know, travels at 186,000 miles A SECOND! Let’s see, multiply by 60: that’s per minute, another 60: per hour, 24: per day, 365: per year… Light travels (according to my calculator) 5.8657e+12 miles a year, and if my insane high-school math skills still work, that’s 5,865,700,000,000 miles a year. 1 light year!

Andromeda, out nearest galaxy, is 179,000ish LIGHT YEARS away… That’s one spicy-a meatball!

What this tells us is that even with advanced cryogenics, space travel over vast distances like that is nary impossible. Firstly what I need you to picture, good creative people, is not only an older, or more technologically advanced version of ourselves traveling around out there in space… I need you to picture us at such an advanced state of genetics, that we have extended our own lifespans far beyond our 100 year-ish cap.

Here’s why. True space travel, being that it takes place over such great distances, could never be achieved in one person’s lifespan (unless you had mastered wormhole tech, but I wont get into that, you need a lot of power, and there must have been a point when we were ready to leave our neighborhood before we’d figured that out anyway.). If we maintained our current life cycle, we would have to literally give birth to multiple children on board so that they might take up our journey.

Here-in lies the moral dilemma: how can anyone be so cruel, as to give birth to a child on a spaceship, and tell them that their entire life, from this point forward, MUST be dedicated to only the mission. They would be a prisoner… They would be forced to learn everything having to do with science, and space, and all things physics, and they would never have a choice. That’s simply not right, and we could never pass legislation to approve it, and it’s likely neither could THEY.

So, looking at some of the eternal creatures living here on earth (yes, creatures like the Hydra, some jellyfish, and a lot of bacteria are immortal), it’s not so out of the question to think that we might be able to mirror some of these creatures tricks for staying alive long-periods of time, and translate that knowledge through genetics to extended our lifespans to amazing lengths. But, even if we did manage to extend out lives to accommodate the gradual aging from cryostasis (years add up when you wake up to explore a planet, or to do research on your findings, and then you have to eat some too…), large ships for which to take us from place to place would still be in high demand.

You would need a ship so large, that it could have a mini-living civilization on it to travel the distances between stars. So, it stands to reason, that GOLD, being a phenomenal resource for building spaceships, thanks to their durability and near magical properties, would be a highly sought after building material for an advanced human-like society, that had taken a similar path through life, that we eventually will.

But why don’t they just make more of it?

That’s the thing… They, and we…can’t. Gold is only made in one place: the heart of a dying star. Only under the immense pressures created by the very dense core of a dying massive star can the element “Au” be forged. So what I’m telling you, good creative people, is that there’s not that much of it, not even in all in the vastness of space. Gold is the only element – in all of existence – that can efficiently tic off each and every single bullet on the checklist of things an advanced civilization would need its conductors to do.

Trouble is, when GOLD is forged in the heart of a dying star, the star then explodes… and scatters the resource into a million little microscopic dots that careen through space, which, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you, then makes it VERY hard to gather in large quantities. The gold will eventually stop moving when it impacts a planet, and becomes part of it. Because of this mayhem, mining operations of the stuffs would be cumbersomely long, and wholly inefficient.

Personally…

If I was on a spaceship, traveling close to light-speed throughout the cosmos’ (with or without a wormhole), i sure wouldn’t want to have to stop on every rock I saw, just to mine a few flakes of gold… To a civilization with a scope that can only be gained through a long-long life, such as the one we’re speaking about, it would be far more efficient and prudent to seek out life… and have them do the mining for you over time.

With all this in mind, I would like to present to you, good people of creativity and conspiracy alike… My Conspiracy theory of life, the universe, and everything (that sounds familiar… it’s certainly not a book I recently read again, that’s for sure):

Aliens had, for reasons previously mentioned, been in search for civilizations to mine gold for them. When they came across earth, we might have been barely mammals (and they might have spliced in their genes with ours to make us evolve faster. The better to mine for them we would be… hush Yoda), or we might have been humans, that part is still up for debate.

So, they’re here, and they need gold, and they visit: The Mayans, The Egyptians, The Incas, The Atlantans, the Native Americans, etc… and tell them that they will share their knowledge with them (or maybe their double cheeseburger recipes; we’ll never know), if they undertake in mining gold, and give them our eventual cache of the resource when they return, possibly in a botched attempt in Roswell NM, or possibly in 2012…

(For those paying attention, we’ve got numbers 6,7 & 8 in covered in that list bit)

So, being good little bipeds we go about our business, mucking about with life, and daily things i.e. sex, eating, killing, eating some more – and we toss in Gold collection for good ole’ Alf, for good measure. Because why not? We’re bored. Angry Birds wasn’t around yet.

So the information goes forward along the years. Passed throughout hushed circles; from fathers to sons, and mothers to daughters, and eventually, like a long game of telephone, the message is nearly completely forgotten altogether. When people spoke of ET, when he was coming back, and how he would get all his gold on the ship, the words were taken for passing blase rumor, rather than some long forgotten truth – which it was! Some people however, will undoubtedly take this information to heart, and begin telling the stories of the space-men to people in their trusted circle.

Enter the Masons #5

Part of the legend of the masons beginnings, is that they were descendants of Atlantis; the now underwater, once-great city of man, which came from unearthly origins. Atlantis was one of the Grey’s first cities on earth, and they shared most of their tech with this location because it was simply their favorite. Because of Atlantis’s charged beginnings, the memory of ET, and his inherent message, is stronger in it’s descendants, and saved with this group. They will eventually come to teach this message only to the top tier Masons when they establish their first lodges in 14th century Scotland.

Enter the evil Illuminati/Rothschilds #1

Using the established platform of the Mason lodges to corrupt the higher tiers (in order to recruit members for their secret society), not only aided the Rothschilds in their eventual ownership of the world’s banks, but it also taught them an invaluable lost secret of history: Aliens had been here before, were coming back, and they wanted gold in exchange for technology! So, using their influence with world governments, and banks, they begin collecting the valuable ore.

What this means; is that all the wars they started were not only to make money, but also to cause a depression in the nations that had gone into battle as a result. The subsequent and inevitable depression would prompt the citizens of the respective nations to sell the gold that they were previously in private ownership of (Cash for gold anyone? How about when the US government came into homes and stole it for ample compensation…!?), to buy bread, clothing, and medicine which they needed to survive! With this in mind even the stolen gold in the basement of tower comes to mind.

(that’s #2 checked off the list! Let’s see, what’s left…3,4,9,10 right? let’s keep going!)

Being that us humans would be adept at gathering gold from land, the Aliens would likely be interested in the large cash of GOLD in our seas as well, so the Bermuda Triangle, and the Devils Triangles are both bases of operation for the creatures, and at these bases of operation they run a filtration system through our waters, in hopes to extract more of the invaluable resource! To travel quickly between the two they have a wormhole set up, which causes frequencies to go haywire, and delicate machine function to cease!

That’s #9!

As far as JFK, and Pearl harbor are concerned, they both fall into the category of causing wars to collect depressed people’s gold, and making the Rothschilds money (to acquire more gold), which they can then sell to the Greys (when they return in 2012), to eventually be the only people in the world to posses their Knowledge, so that they can finally be, what they’ve strived to become for so many years now: our sole malevolent rulers!

So that’s 4 & 3!!! only # 10 left!

Plum Island… Plum Island…

……………

Well?

I got nothing

You can’t just say that, the people expect you to come up with SOMETHING!

I know, I know, but I don’t want to make bad fiction… It doesn’t fit!

Well you’re creative, think of something!

Ugh… Fine

(Stupid voice, always making me do stuff) And Finally, Plum Island is a facility that researches one of the Grey’s left over GOLD sniffing dogs, from their days of living on the planet here with us!

……..

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(Lame)

Hush up voice!

And there you have it good ladies and gentlemen of curiosity, reason, creativity, and conspiracy!

THE GREATEST CONSPIRACY THEORY OF ALL TIME!

(And I invented it just for you, simply because I love you so much! I’m going to go collapse now out of exhaustion… Goodbye!)

P.S. Things should return to normal sometime next week… I’ve really got to focus on my novel. I love you all and we’ll chat soon.

~J